


Hot For You (an amazing sterek fanfic)

by dothedeux



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pure Crack, crackfic, please don't actually read this, this is 100 percent a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:57:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9808283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dothedeux/pseuds/dothedeux
Summary: Trash (the good kind)





	

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this amazing fic to Brittany, who likes this shit. And to Mythology1746, who shit reads anyway.

One day Stiles was cooking in the kitchen. He was staying in his lane, boiling some Perogies, when suddenly all the water in the pot vanished and the perogies immediately caught flame. Panicking, Stiles tried to put the pot under the faucet, but when he moved to pick it up, he tripped and accidentally knocked the pot off the stove. One of the flaming perogies (now charcoal) landed on a dishcloth. That dish cloth went up in flame as if it had been soaked in gasoline. The ashes traveled to the ceiling, and quickly spread across it. Screaming, Stiles rushed to the phone to dial 911.

  
“Hello, what’s your emergency?” Said a bored operator.

  
“My whole kitchen is up in flames!” Stiles shouted.

  
“Ok we’ll send over a firefighter. What is your preference?”

  
“Oh, I don’t know. Tall, dark, and handsome?”

  
“The classic,” the operator agreed. “He’ll be over to put out the flame of the kitchen and light the flame of your heart.”

  
“Thank you! Please hurry.”

  
Stiles hung up. Immediately the front door was kicked open, and a broad-shouldered man hustled into the kitchen.

  
“How did you manage this?” He asked, rolling his eyes.

  
Stiles simultaneously felt deep abiding disgust towards the man and deep saturating lust for him. He stared with his mouth hanging open, forgetting to answer.  
Luckily the firefighter wasn’t the chatty type and he stepped forward into the kitchen, pushing Stiles behind him protectively and because he was possessive and kinky.

  
“Stay behind me,” the firefighter commanded.

  
Stiles went weak at the knees.

  
Facing the fire, the man tore off his shirt with his powerful, muscley, and slightly wolf-like hands. He bore his bare, shiny and slightly wolf-like chest to the center of the flames. With a grunt, the firefighter flexed his amazing pecs so hard he created a burst of powerful wind that was so strong it blew all the flames out.

  
“Oh my fucking GOD.” Stiles enthused, his mouth dry.”Take me now!”

  
The man approached and grabbed Stiles by the waist.”Listen,” he whispered. “I know that I look like a big strong tough guy. But I really have tragic backstory. It’s important to people that you appreciate that I’m only a hardened soul, but still loveable and caring and stuff. Also my name is Derek.”

  
“Oh, exposition away, by all means,” Stiles agreed.

  
Derek nodded solemnly. “Well it all began when my family died in a fire.”

  
“OH MY GOD AND YOU’RE A FIREFIGHTER NOW HOW HEROIC!” Stiles screamed, pointing at Derek’s face.

  
“...anyway,” Derek said, “then my uncle tried to kill me and also lots of other people and I lived alone, like, in a cave somewhere and now I’m here, and I love you.”  
Stiles clutched at his heart. “Oh Derek I never thought you’d say those words! I often have trouble communicating beyond highly emotional statements masked by my loveable joking nature, but I love you too!”

  
They both started to cry and hug each other. Then their lips met in a passionate embrace. Derek kissed like he fought fires, with his pecs. Stiles moaned into the kiss. The kiss was passionate but beautiful. Tongue probably was in there somewhere. I’m not really sure, because I turned my head and left them to it like a fucking decent person, you nosey bitch.

  
Anyway, then they started going at it. I mean, really going at it right on the god damn kitchen floor. Is was a little gross because halfway through Derek turned into an actual wolf or something but I promise there was lots of alpha dynamics which by the way is a false construct of actual wolf behavior read a book you fucking moron BUT ANYWAY  
“Stiles, that was amazing. Will you marry me?”

  
“Yes. Today. Right now!” Stiles shouted.

  
Immediately the door was kicked in and Scott, Lydia, Allison, and other side characters burst in wearing formal wear.

  
Just as quickly as the pierogi water had disappeared, an altar and a priest who looked a lot like a vet but more like a magical supernatural vet appeared and Stiles and Derek were suddenly wearing tuxedos. The main and side characters all took their seats at the kitchen table to watch the ceremony.

  
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join together two…” the vet preist glanced at the couple “people in harmony.”

  
“Woo! Harmony!” Scott yelled, clapping. “I’m so proud of my best friend and completely supportive even though when I first found out about this relationship I was slightly reserved because I wasn’t sure that Derek was a healthy match for a younger, clearly struggling person whose dad had arrested him, but now I’m cool with it!”

  
The priest nodded. “Are there any objections to this union?”

  
Lydia stood up. “I object! Stiles, aren’t you still hopelessly crushing on me?”

  
“Well Lydia,” Stiles explained, “like in most other stories, you are rarely mentioned and if you are it is usually only to explain you away by making you horribly unattainable you are. Somewhere along the way I realized that although you are a really good friend of mine, are extraordinarily attractive, and that I obviously harbor deep abiding respect and romantic feelings for you, you’re not a sexy werewolf and/or firefighter and so you are null and void.”

  
“Sounds fair,” Lydia responded, sitting down.

  
The priest vet smiled. “Perfect! If there are no other objections, I now pronounce you husband and wolf. You may kiss the canine.”

  
Stiles and Derek just fucking smashed their tongues together. Fucking obliterated.


End file.
